I'd rushed home from a childcare committee meeting in time for Andy to head out to see a colleague's new theatre show. But five minutes later he was back because he said it seemed like I needed him there. What a darling. Of course once he offered me sympathy and a listening ear, I went all weepy because it's so much harder to hold it together when someone says "are you alright?", isn't it?
I'm worried I'm not spending enough time with Clem before he starts school in October. I'm worried I'm attached far too much to the computer tending to work emails when I officially only work 1.5 to 2 days a week. I'm worried I don't have enough time to keep up with basics like keeping the bills paid (because of the work I do to help pay the bills in the first place). I'm worried that the big boys are growing up before my eyes and their childhoods are slipping away. I'm worried that our lives are over-complicated with unimportant stuff.
So I talked this all through with my darling. He listened and made all the right sympathetic noises. And you know what I eventually realised?
My overriding worry was that I couldn't spend more quality time with my family. And I feel this because I love them so much, and I'm so very lucky to have them. I'm just greedy and want more. And that's not so bad, is it?
And then yesterday, Charlie was feeling a little tired and blue in the morning so I let him stay home from school with me and Clem. In the middle of the day we went to the Botanic Gardens, as I'd promised Clem we would. It's one place guaranteed to make me feel the goodness in the world.
Autumn leaves from the many Plane Trees were everywhere. On the Plane Tree lawn they were falling around us. The trees are immensely tall and looking up, we could see the leaves begin their journey down.
I also realised that even once Clem is at school, I can, on occasion, steal one of the boys away for a day. It doesn't have to be an ending.
Sorry there are just a few unimpressive phone photos. It was a back-to-basics day.
Things are good.
Wishing you a happy weekend.
- Jane x